When I put this post on the editorial calendar a few weeks ago, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I thought, “Oh fun, a way to document my crazy days!” Turns out, it’s also a great way to reflect on your entire life’s purpose.
You see, I have held many high stress jobs {special educator, behavioral therapist, cashier when I was 16…}, but NONE of them compare to the job I do now. For me, being a work-at-home-mom is THE most challenging hat I have ever worn. Because as a small business owner, I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders and the constant pull in so many directions. And with two very young kids home with me 24/7, I also feel the want and the desire to be that picture perfect ‘Leave it to Beaver’ mom I always dreamt of too.
Looking back on my typical day, it is filled with so many stolen moments of sheer joy – watching my kids discover the wonder of nature, sharing a bowl of late night ice cream, countless hugs and kisses and kisses and hugs. But what so many people fail to see is that it is also filled with so much self-loathing. So, SO , SO much self-loathing. More than any mom should ever experience on a round-the-clock basis. But y’all. I struggle with it. BAD.
If I take a few minutes to get on the computer and respond to an email, I hate myself for turning on the television or not paying full attention to my kids. If I turn off the ringer on my phone and lose myself in crayons or legos, I hate myself for not staying on top of all the demands that work always holds. And after the kids’ bedtime, it only seems to get worse. Because if I stay up late to work on the computer, I hate myself for neglecting my marriage…my husband…the man who made me a mom to begin with. But if I share a glass of wine and a movie with him, I hate myself for taking the night off and will no doubt regret it the next day when my workload is ten-fold. Oh, and time for myself to grab drinks with friends or get a pedicure? Forget about it. That’s nothing more than a distant memory.
It just feels like no matter what I do or what choice I make…I end up hating myself. And FYI – that one little grammatically-incorrect sentence might just be the most difficult words I have ever publicly typed.
But now I wipe away my tears, and the rational Kelly kicks in. And I remember those stolen moments of joy…and since I obviously swallowed a big pill of honesty before writing this post, the money we save on day care too. I remember that this crazy life and every decision I make is for my husband, my children, and me. I am doing THE BEST that I know how. I am working my tail off to put food on the table {because I certainly am not making enough for fancy cars or fabulous vacations!}, and at the end of the day…even though I am struggling harder than ever before…I really and truly love what I do. And I think that no matter if you are a SAHM, a working mom, or a WAHM like myself – that is all we really want anyway. Right?
Okay, okay, enough with the mush – here is a day in my wild life, including a few ridiculously unhealthy diet tips that I have GOT to break too…
:: 7 am ::
Wake-up call! Typically, I try to wake up before the kids to get a few things done on the computer for work…but this morning, I had some early risers. And they were both in quite a mood as you can see. I can already tell my day is going to be crazy. But aren’t they all? {Not Pictured :: Moments after this pic was taken, I managed to simultaneously nurse Hadley while helping Hayes potty. I so would’ve snapped a pic of this impressive feat…but unfortunately, I didn’t have any hands left to do so.}
:: 8 am ::
Hadley has been nursed, Hayes has gotten out of his mood, and the house has been littered with toys. Yup, I’d say our day is right on track. Time to get some breakfast! This morning it’s oatmeal for Hayes and raspberries and a yogurt pouch for Hadley. For me? It’s nothing but a comptuer screen so I can finally catch up on those emails that keep dinging at me and social media statuses that have yet to schedule themselves. {Unhealthy Diet Tip #1 – As a WAHM, breakfast has become somewhat of a luxury. Most mornings, I just don’t have the time to eat. So very bad, I know.}
:: 9 am ::
Usually, I am notoriously late. {I know my close friends are all shaking their head in agreement on that!} But somehow, someway, I have managed to get both myself and the kids ready for the day with enough time to snap a selfie. Oh, and I clacked off about a dozen emails…and washed Hadley’s cloth diapers…and played a little monster truck rally on the living room floor too. Now, we are off to a meeting and to run errands! Yes, we. My trusty assistants go with me pretty much EVERYWHERE.
:: 10 am ::
Knee deep in a meeting for our church’s vacation bible school! Because, you know, on top of running my own business and mothering two small children – I needed to go ahead and volunteer to be the assistant director for this too. {I have to say though – I LOVE this time in my week to break away from the norm and do something I’m passionate about. Even if it does add to my crazy! It is so important to feed these parts of my soul.}
:: 11 am ::
Meeting just finished up, and now we are at the grocery store. After all, we were totally and completely out of milk. And bread. And pretty much every other edible item in our house. So stocking up on some fresh fruits and veggies while the kiddos snag a cookie from the sweet ladies at the bakery. I know that most people DREAD grocery shopping with kids, but this is another one of my most treasured moments of my week. We love to wander through the aisles, taste the samples, and talk about everything we see. Today was a quick trip though – in and out with just enough groceries to get us through another few days!
:: 12 pm ::
I had a business call scheduled for noon, so I perfectly timed it where we would leave the grocery store just a few minutes prior. I set the kids up in their carseats with a picnic lunch and hopped on the phone. I promise I was only on for about TWO minutes when Hayes started freaking out about a mess. Thankfully, the call was quick, and I hopped in the backseat just in time to see that Hadley had managed to fling her pouch all. over. the. place. Seriously, y’all. This green goo was everywhere.
So I cleaned it up, drove the few minutes home, and then opened the trunk of my car to unload groceries. Well…evidently, I didn’t pack them in very well – because as soon as I opened the trunk, THIS happened. {Unhealthy Diet Tip #2 – Drop almost all of the fresh new groceries you just purchased on your driveway in a big pile of mess. Awesome.}
:: 1 pm ::
Kids are fed, messes are cleaned – time to enjoy a few minutes watching the kids play outside while I finally scarf down my lunch. Only problem? I’m finally sitting down…and I have food…so my kids automatically think that they both need to eat everything on my plate. {Unhealthy Diet Tip #3 – Share every meal you ever eat with two ravenously hungry children. Even though they just ate a lunch of their own and you haven’t eaten all day.}
:: 2 pm ::
Ahhh… Hayes got his naptime book and sweet kisses before drifting off to sleep, and now it is just me and Hadley enjoying some much needed calm and quiet. Oh, how I love this 30 minutes spent nursing my sweet baby girl. It is just me and her lost in each other. No room on my lap for a computer and no hands free for writing. It is absolute bliss, and I am not sure what I am going to do with myself when she is weaned completely.
:: 3 pm ::
Hadley is fast asleep in her crib, so now it is time to switch gears. And fast. Go. Go. Go. Gotta work. Gotta reply to the 9,743 emails in my inbox. Gotta get on a business call. Gotta check on social media reach. Gotta analyze pageviews and uniques and numbers. Oh, three more emails just came in. One of which just threw a big wrench in our event that is happening NEXT week. Crap. Gotta switch gears. Gotta line up something else to fill that spot. Gotta schedule an appointment. Ugh. Another five emails. Y’all, it never ends.
:: 4 pm ::
Hayes wakes up, so I steal a few minutes of snuggle time with him. These precious moments of one-on-one I get with each of my kiddos are just that. Absolutely precious. Unfortunately, they don’t last long. The ding of those incessant emails brings me back to reality, and I hurriedly finish up for the afternoon. Yes, I said afternoon. My actual work day has yet to really begin…
:: 5 pm ::
Hadley has woken up, and the hubs just called and said he is about to leave work. Ack! I frantically try to wash the dishes and tidy up the house and run my fingers through my tousled hair, so my husband *thinks* that I really just might be SuperMom. Oh, and notice how the word “thinks” is bolded, underlined, AND surrounded by asterisks? Yeah, that’s because I am obviously NOT SuperMom. Not even close…as you can all see by the blueberries that are still rolling around on my driveway.
:: 6 pm ::
Okay, the house is finally somewhat tidied. Time to head outside so it stays that way…at least for a few minutes. My babies are total and complete outside junkies, so we are known to spend as much time out there as we possibly can. And as a lover of the sunshine myself, I am certainly not complaining.
:: 7 pm ::
The hubs got home, so he hung out with the kids for a couple of minutes while I threw together dinner – chicken stir fry. It is one of our absolute faves right now. So healthy. So yummy. And most importantly, so easy! {Remind me to write a post with the recipe soon, m’kay?}
:: 8 pm ::
Two words – ice. cream. Wait…or should I say – Blue. Bell. {Unhealthy Diet Tip #4 – Get a pint of your absolute favorite ice cream, but don’t get a bite in before your daughter hogs the spoon and then your husband finishes it. Thanks, guys.}
After that sticky treat, it was straight to the shower. And remember how I said my kiddos go with me EVERYWHERE? Yes, this includes the shower. Seriously, it’s their absolute favorite time of the day. And the only way I will slow down enough to take one myself.
:: 9 pm ::
After some teeth brushing, book reading, and nursing for the little one – the kiddos have finally fell asleep for the night. And the hubs is right behind them with his eyes half open watching sports in the other room. So now it is just me. My computer. And a little trash television for background noise. Time to work like crazy on editorial calendars and creating graphics and proofreading posts and pretty much all of the other behind the scenes work that doesn’t involve corresponding with businesses…all until the wee hours of the night.
:: 12 am ::
Some nights {oh, who am I kidding – MOST nights}, I am known to stay up even later than this. But tonight my eyelids are heavy and the bed is calling my name. I guess those 24 missed phone calls on my home phone {yes, I typed TWENTY-FOUR} and that stack of thank you notes from my daughter’s birthday last month will just have to wait until tomorrow to get tended to. Thankfully, my family and friends are about the most kind and understanding people you will ever meet, and they are so patient with my crazy life right now. After all, they know I will get around to it all. Someday.
Read about more long days and neverending smiles in our ‘A Day in the Life’ series.
Thanks for being so candid Kelly! I completely relate to your feelings, crazy schedule… pretty much everything! Except the job part. Last time I grocery shopped it was a glass jar of marinara that painted my driveway. 🙂
So glad I’m not alone and surrounded by so many amazing mamas. You know I am absolutely in awe of you!!!
We are twins girl! All of it – from the showering with our kids to the pretending to have it all together during the husband’s commute home (the house is never cleaner!) You are doing a WONDERFUL job as a mom, wife, friend, business owner … give yourself some grace! Your kids think you are the perfect mom and for them you are!
Thanks, Ashley! So proud to call you a friend!!! 🙂
Thanks for writing this. I know that our team of mamas feels the exact same way that you do in this article — it’s a fine balance being a small business owner, wife, mom and trying not to lose your identity. Your doing an awesome job and keep it up!
Oh, sweet Lane! I KNOW you can relate…and you are doing a fab job with Bayou City Mamas too. So glad we were able to connect!!!
Oh my gosh I just found this post and am so glad I’m not alone in this crazy journey! Thanks for your honesty, humor and great storytelling.
You’re not alone at all, Meg! Keep rocking at it though!!