Adult Friendship x 2: The Search for Couple Friends

We all agree that making friends as an adult is hard, but doable. But if you are part of a couple, finding other couples you have chemistry with and can navigate life with seems like a unicorn. Do you and your partner have couple friends? 

couple friends laughing at dinnerI don’t like chocolate or shopping and I don’t enjoy watching television shows. Many people are surprised when they find this about me. They are also just as surprised when they hear that I love moving. No, I don’t like packing or unpacking but I love starting over in a new home, city or even country. I have lived in 5 cities and three continents. I love moving! New people, new places, new adventures. The hardest part of moving is packing and unpacking. The part that makes me the most anxious is making new friends and keeping my old friends.

In 1996, when I was 14 years old, my parents and our nuclear family of four moved from Nigeria to Cincinnati, Ohio because my mom’s sister, my favorite aunt, lived there with her young family. My sister and I had many adjustments to make as young girls. For the first time in my young life, making friends was challenging.  My accent, while beautiful, was a hindrance. I also had ridiculously strict parents who never me go anywhere unless it was a church event. Being poor also made building new friendships challenging.  As new immigrants, my parents didn’t prioritize setting money aside for cool clothing, toys, or gadgets. I was at the bottom of the barrel for friend choice for most middle schoolers.

A life without friends in 8th grade was not the life I expected or dreamed of when I thought about moving to America. Thankfully, college was different. College was a great time for creating and growing my social circle; it was in college where I met some of my closest friends today.

After college, I moved back to Cincinnati and got involved in a great young adult church group. There I met wonderful people who became like family. I got married a few years later and I continued to make meaningful friendships.

A few years after we got married, we moved to Texas, and I was thrilled once again to move. I’ve met so many wonderful people, yet something seems to be missing. Do you remember watching shows where couples would hang out and do life together? I was yearning for this, but it just never happened.

In talking to some women, it seems this pattern is common. As a result, couples have no other couples in their life to navigate life with.

Many couple friends who are close met in college, some at church or work if they are lucky. Making friends as adults is already difficult, then add in four different personalities and interests matching. Even when that match is made, each family has to consider if schedules complement one another. Are your children in similar life stages?

Despite the challenges, I’m not giving up on finding a couple with whom my husband and I can both become close friends. I believe in the importance of a village, and I want our family to find our village. Sure, we have church, school, and work acquaintances but I’m praying for couples and families who will make up our village. Friends our kids can call aunts, uncles, and vice versa. I want to build a village in Houston. I’ve got a plan for making couple friends that I hope works. It won’t be easy but I’m willing to put myself out.  Stay tuned!

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Ese D.
Ese is a proud Nigerian American who spent most of her teenage years and adult life in Cincinnati, Ohio. She moved to Houston in 2012. Ese is a bonus, foster/adoptive and IVF mom. Her journey to motherhood wasn’t traditional but it’s been a remarkable ride. She has a passion for people, and it is reflected in the different ways she’s involved in the community. As a Junior League of Houston member, she loves serving the community with other strong women. Her commitment to her faith serves as a foundation in all aspects of her life. She’s a proud Buckeye {OH-IO} and a lover of most sports. After spending a year in Mexico, Nigeria and Colombia, she and her family moved back to Houston in the Spring of 2019. Ese spent most of her professional career in the Manufacturing industry doing Export Compliance. She is known as one who has never met a stranger. She loves connecting with and bringing women together. She may not be a fan of the traffic in Houston, but she has fallen in love with the diverse people and the amazing food options the city offers. When she’s not working and running her small business, you can find her listening to books on audible, catching up on her favorite podcast, hosting brunch with new and old friends as well as connecting with her online girlfriends on Facebook.


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