We all agree that making friends as an adult is hard, but doable. But if you are part of a couple, finding other couples you have chemistry with and can navigate life with seems like a unicorn. Do you and your partner have couple friends?
I don’t like chocolate or shopping and I don’t enjoy watching television shows. Many people are surprised when they find this about me. They are also just as surprised when they hear that I love moving. No, I don’t like packing or unpacking but I love starting over in a new home, city or even country. I have lived in 5 cities and three continents. I love moving! New people, new places, new adventures. The hardest part of moving is packing and unpacking. The part that makes me the most anxious is making new friends and keeping my old friends.
In 1996, when I was 14 years old, my parents and our nuclear family of four moved from Nigeria to Cincinnati, Ohio because my mom’s sister, my favorite aunt, lived there with her young family. My sister and I had many adjustments to make as young girls. For the first time in my young life, making friends was challenging. My accent, while beautiful, was a hindrance. I also had ridiculously strict parents who never me go anywhere unless it was a church event. Being poor also made building new friendships challenging. As new immigrants, my parents didn’t prioritize setting money aside for cool clothing, toys, or gadgets. I was at the bottom of the barrel for friend choice for most middle schoolers.
A life without friends in 8th grade was not the life I expected or dreamed of when I thought about moving to America. Thankfully, college was different. College was a great time for creating and growing my social circle; it was in college where I met some of my closest friends today.
After college, I moved back to Cincinnati and got involved in a great young adult church group. There I met wonderful people who became like family. I got married a few years later and I continued to make meaningful friendships.
A few years after we got married, we moved to Texas, and I was thrilled once again to move. I’ve met so many wonderful people, yet something seems to be missing. Do you remember watching shows where couples would hang out and do life together? I was yearning for this, but it just never happened.
In talking to some women, it seems this pattern is common. As a result, couples have no other couples in their life to navigate life with.
Many couple friends who are close met in college, some at church or work if they are lucky. Making friends as adults is already difficult, then add in four different personalities and interests matching. Even when that match is made, each family has to consider if schedules complement one another. Are your children in similar life stages?
Despite the challenges, I’m not giving up on finding a couple with whom my husband and I can both become close friends. I believe in the importance of a village, and I want our family to find our village. Sure, we have church, school, and work acquaintances but I’m praying for couples and families who will make up our village. Friends our kids can call aunts, uncles, and vice versa. I want to build a village in Houston. I’ve got a plan for making couple friends that I hope works. It won’t be easy but I’m willing to put myself out. Stay tuned!
