There are so many wonderful things that I look forward to with the holiday season. Over the top Christmas decorations, sugar cookie decorating, holiday music stations, and Starbucks seasonal beverages! But I am a fool for gift giving. Holiday gift giving is an integral part of the holiday season. From Black Friday to Cyber Monday and malls teaming with shoppers, holiday gift giving gets bigger every year. But finding the perfect present can be accompanied by holiday season stress. I’ve worried about leaving deserving people off my list and making sure every gift I give is perfectly chosen for each recipient. It all starts with my lengthy Christmas list of family, friends, and year-long support staff. I could give Santa a run for his money.
My gift giving list used to be extensive and thorough. It included everyone from grandma and grandpa to aunts and uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews then double that if you include my husband’s family. But over the years, I have been able to manage holiday gift giving stress by following a few basic rules.
Gift Giving Rule 1: It is NOT Necessarily Better to Give Than to Receive
Who should I leave off of my list? With all the condescending and insulting remarks my mother-in-law makes, it would be easy to drop her from my list. Maybe one fruit basket for the school can count as the gift for the principle, assistant principle, support staff, and everyone else in between. How do I begin to cut back on gift giving during the holiday season?
Keeper: My Village
I always enjoy giving gifts to my children’s teachers and any of the support staff at their school. It is also an easy “Yes” for this group since the gift actually comes from my child. These adults spend hours with my child five days of the week and they play an essential role in the development and growth of my child. Teachers are people that matter to your family and interact with your child on a daily basis. The influence that teachers have on a child’s life is immeasurable. They have to put up with my child’s shenanigans day in and day out. Therefore, I don’t mind giving gifts to the village that helps me raise my child.
Keeper: My Support Staff
The people that help me manage my household are extremely gift worthy. The woman who helps clean my house actually deserves a medal for dealing with my neglected bathrooms. The landscaper/handyman/handles anything outside the house guy surely deserves to be remembered at the end of the year. They help me maintain a clean and healthy home while making sure I don’t get kicked out of the HOA due to untrimmed trees. I can depend on this group of people that visit my house sometimes on a weekly basis.
Keeper: Behind the Scenes People
Over the years, I have been able to count on some people to be there for me in some way shape or form. My sister let me live with her after I graduated college. My college roommate called me after my mother passed away. My best friend from high school planned a complete girls day out with me before she moved overseas. These are the ones that touch my heart. Think about those people that have been there for you, year after year. Those people that open the door to their home, and encourage and support all of your life endeavors even if you fail. The ones that you can call on at anytime. Your crew that provides strong support from behind the scenes that feels taken for granted can be rectified with a thoughtful gift at holiday time.
Loser: Extended Family Members
The extended family members list would go down the rabbit hole of great aunts and uncles and second cousins and in-laws. For several years, I enjoyed making small homemade gifts. This always started out as a good idea until I was working on making my 17th christmas ornament at 1 o’clock in the morning. Choosing or creating a meaningful gift for every extended family member, wasted time and money, and caused me a great deal of anxiety. I didn’t want to give something that was useless or ugly. I would scour the internet for the perfect gifts for extended family members that were the right size, the right color, and would be delivered in time for Christmas.
When I started struggling to choose gifts for people on my list, I would waste time and money purchasing heartless presents just because I didn’t want to leave anyone out during the holiday season. Gift giving did not bring me the same joy that it used to. It became a burden and an obligation. It was not joyful. Eventually, I began to pare down my list. Leaving certain family members off of my Christmas list was not an easy decision to make at first. But it became more and more difficult to buy gifts for people whom I felt obligated to buy a gift for just because they are family. Once I realized that I was buying “whatever” generic gifts that meant nothing but resentment in my heart and soul, that was the sign that this person is no longer getting any gifts from me. It did not feel better to give than to receive and I finally decided to cut a significant amount of extended family off of my list. And once that decision was made, it was so easy to make that very same decision for so many other family members.
Gift Giving Rule 2: Wrap Presents
While it is common sense and universally understood that Christmas presents should be wrapped or at least in a gift bag, sometimes the effort isn’t there and it shows. If you went to some trouble to think of someone and buy a gift for them, some effort should be made to make the gift enjoyable to open. Unless of course, the gift is given out of obligation and there is no real meaning behind the gift except for, “well, I guess I got you something, here you go”. I speak from experience. When somone gave me body lotion in a used gift box with a weird satin pillow, I didn’t even realize that it was a gift. At least put a bow on it.
Gift Giving Rule 3: Be Mindful of Others
I truly enjoy giving gifts to children. I can buy the toys with a million pieces and the microphone with one very LOUD volume setting and watch it walk out the door. But there can be a significant number of children to buy for that can cause bankruptcy. Don’t go broke trying to get something for everyone. If you are unable to gift all the children in the family, that is OK. But carrying armfuls of gifts and handing out shiny wrapped presents to ALMOST all the kids in the room is not the way to go. The children who do receive gifts should receive those gifts privately so as not to make the other children who did not receive anything feel bad. Also, don’t assume that the children who may be more well off than the others are any less deserving of a gift. It is not a valid excuse to leave out a set of siblings just because their parents have their sh*t together.
In the end, it all comes down to motivation and the reason behind why you would give a gift to someone this holiday season. Just because it’s Christmas does not mean everybody that you know deserves a gift from you. Hastily giving an electric coffee cup warmer to your aunt who lives out of state just because they’re your aunt makes no sense. Giving a gift that’s meaningful to someone that reciprocates some kind of benefit to your life is a true and honest motivation for gift giving that brings joy. While my opinion may be unpopular, I have given gifts to people who don’t appreciate it or who I personally don’t like simply out of obligation and it does not feel good. Avoid gift giving to people that drain you or to people that may not necessarily want to watch you succeed. The joy of gift giving is wasted and not even experienced with those people. I believe that many people give gifts to safe face, to maintain civility, to be polite, to be politically correct, to achieve approval, or to people please. I am no longer one of those people. I stopped giving, saved time and money and came out less stressed overall. That was a gift to me. Happy Holidays!
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