Toddlers are Gross :: Why Motherhood is Not for the Weak of Stomach

Toddlers are Gross:: Why Motherhood is Not for the Weak of Stomach | Houston Moms Blog

Motherhood is not for the weak of stomach. I’m sitting here staring at my pint-sized human being as she is shoveling frosted cheerios into her mouth. Her face is sticky from the yogurt smoothie she chugged a few seconds ago, making her hair stick to the side of her face in a cobwebby mess.  She slides off her chair to pick up the Cheerios that fell to the floor and before I can say, “Throw it in the trash!” she gleefully pops them into her mouth. The five-second rule applies here, right?

Ever since I became a mom I have found that the little things like eating food off the floor no longer gross me out.  It may mortify others {currently picturing my germ-a-phobic Mother slapping it out of her hands if she saw my baby eating her Cheerios off the floor} but it doesn’t phase me anymore.  It’s most likely because my four older kids desensitized me to it all and now I’m reliving those memories with my current two-year-old. Don’t let her adorable face and sweet smile fool you.

A little more than a handful of memories come to mind when I think about how our toddler prepares us for a stomach of steel.  These are my memories that start from the beginning of motherhood, and I know that many of you can relate to it as well. Read on if you’re curious but stop now if you are easily grossed out.

  1. I think our mental game starts changing in the delivery room with doctors, nurses, med students, and just about everyone else in the state of Texas {okay, I’m exaggerating but it feels like it} staring at our lady part as we push our baby out of an opening far too small for it to actually come out of. I think this marked the day that I lowered my inhibitions and stopped trying to care so much about what others think.  Nothing like being hyped up on whatever it is was that they were pumping into my IV, the hubby and nurse holding my legs and me crying, “I don’t wanna poop” over and over because the doctor told me to push like I had to make a poo.  I would like to clarify that pushing a baby out and pooping are two different things. 
  2.  Just about every parent has experienced being spit up on, and you get extra bonus points if it lands in your mouth. I was lifting my daughter to put her over my shoulder to burp her after her feeding when she did a full blown exorcist vomit onto my face and my mouth was OPEN! She cried, I cried, and I thought to myself, I’m just too old for this.
  3. Your toddler is playing normally and then he stops and looks up at you quietly with this expression that crosses his face.  Only a mom would know what is about to go down.  It’s like slow motion as you frantically search for a trash bag, bowl, anything to catch what is about to come out of your little person.  There is nothing …so at this moment there are many possible outcomes for this.  Oh, did I mention that you’re in public with everyone watching all of this play out?  I quickly slid off my jacket just in time and let him hurl into it. Gross I know, but it was better than the playground floor with all the other kids playing there.  So, you’re welcome.  
  4. Just the other day, I was chasing my toddler around the house attempting to pry stale popcorn that was thrown into the trash can from her chubby little fingers. I’m certain that she ate a few already and was saving the ones in her hands to eat at a later time.
  5. Every mom knows that when your toddler is the most quiet she is plotting something wicked. I found her playing in the toilet and swirling her pacifier around the freakin’ toilet water.  I let out a high pitched “NOOOOOOOOOOO” for two reasons:: 1)it was the ONLY pacifier that we had left 2) I prayed that she didn’t put any of it into her mouth.  Seriously, why are toddlers so gross?
  6. My husband freaked out every time one our then babies had a massive poopy diaper.  He called out for help and sat there staring at the baby like they were going to clean themselves {insert eye roll}. I felt like I should have won a prize for being able to handle the task alone without making a face. Step one:: Remove onesie starting from the top and rolling it downwards.  Step two:: Clean baby’s back and bottom.  Bathe child if you can to get rid of smell. Step three:: Throw the dirty onesie into a plastic bag and discard it.  Do NOT try to clean it or else you will throw up.  True story.
  7. The last and final experience that happened recently and prompted me to write this post was when my toddler came up to me with one of her hand outstretched to show me what she had in it {my heart stops, is it a good surprise or a bad surprise?  You just never know with a toddler.} She scrunches up her adorable little nose and says, “I poopy” and I look into her little hand {and cry silently inside}.

Moms, keep up the great job and know that no one can handle the messes of motherhood better than you can. They say there isn’t any hood quite like motherhood and that is true!  We are the dirty diaper wipers, mess cleaner, and boogie wiping supermoms to our little ones. I love the toddler years filled with sticky kisses and messes. After all, isn’t that how memories are made? 

Do you have any experiences from the mommy trenches that truly tested your gross factor?Remember, you are not alone. 

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Christine N
Christine was raised in Houston almost all her life, but currently resides in Sugar Land with her family. She graduated with a teaching degree from the University of Houston and taught elementary school for eight wonderful years.  She met her husband Martin while they both were teaching CCE at a local parish.  Together they have five beautiful children Madison {September 2005}, Caden {April 2007}, Cohen {April 2008}, Mason {August 2009}, and Anna-Marie {November 2016}.  Christine is also a self-taught baker, cake designer, and owner of The Sweet Boutique Bakery.  In 2016, her family felt a huge calling to open up their hearts and home to fostering babies.  When Christine isn’t juggling work, being an active school mom, or caring for her foster baby, you will find her creating DIY home projects, crafting, party planning, baking with her kids, and traveling with her family.  You can read more of her family shenanigans on The Sweet Boutique's Blog.


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