Dear Women: Your Internalized Misogyny is Showing

Sigh. And we are here again. I wrote this piece last week about “Hey guys, your toxic masculinity is showing,” after the whole Indy vs Chiefs fall out. And at the time, it was mostly directed at the guys. In what I can only say is a confusing and maddening turn of events, there’s a lot of women jumping on the “I hate Taylor” bandwagon, too.

I’ve spent more brain cells than I care to admit to analyze all of this because *it is just football* BUT I really do think it extends deeper than *just football*. Some of y’all are dealing with internalized misogyny and we need to talk about it.

To break it down relatively simply, this occurs when you have taken on what’s been spoon fed to us for ages: that women couldn’t possibly be good enough, when you put down other women so that you feel better, that on occasion you slut shame, and that you regularly buy into traditional gender roles. That being said, you may be doing it consciously or subconsciously, but the impact is still the same.

Someone, please anyone, explain to me why we are so big mad at a WOMAN {who is at the top of her game professionally and seemingly personally} for CHEERING?!? For celebrating? For, oh my god wait for it, KISSING her man after a pretty big win? Again, I will make no secret that I am a Taylor fan so I keep trying to analyze this from different angles.

Am I big mad when I see other celebrities at a game? Any game? Eminem? Blake Lively? Ryan Reynolds? NOPE. So why are we big mad? Can we really not let a woman live BIG and PASSIONATELY? Because that’s what it seems like.

Because you can’t tell me that it’s the 150 seconds that she’s been shown over 9+ hours of football that “took away from your experience.” Get all the way outta here with that. Your blame should be directed at the NFL and the marketing directors  – and why the hell wouldn’t they show the biggest sensation in the world right now? Hello, money talks.

But what has been talking louder is all of the people mad at TAYLOR, mad at her Swifties, and seemingly mad at life in general. Ladies!!! We are better than this. I am not asking you to love her. I am not asking you to listen to her music. I am not asking anything except a decent show of respect for a fellow human who has literally has done nothing wrong.

You don’t need to bring all of her exes into it. You don’t need to make snide comments of “it may not even last until the Super Bowl.” You don’t need to say that “she’s everywhere and I’m just over it.” You don’t need to worry about magazines who are covering what she wore. So the f what.

She has flat earned the right to be everywhere.

And on that topic, let’s revisit algorithms shall we? So, when you comment on a Facebook post or an Instagram thread or something on X to express JUST HOW MUCH YOU CANNOT STAND THIS WOMAN, and then you wonder why your feed is all Taylor/Travis? Ma’am. The algorithm just knows you clicked on it and it really doesn’t give a damn if you like her or not. Soooo, congratulations. All that fighting and commenting you did today? You got Taylor in your feed until at least the Super Bowl. Cheers!

To quote my friend Kyla, because I can’t say it better, “Do you like everyone else in the stands? Is it outrageous that other fans are present or visible? Do other celebrities cause such a visceral reaction? If not, why? I suspect it is because as a society we love to tear feminine things down, even when we don’t always recognize that when participating in it. “I’m not like those silly girls”, it says. Contrary to current discourse, THERE IS NOTHING SHAMEFUL about being a girl/woman or liking the things society has deemed “girly”…

I just cannot imagine that females and moms cannot just tip their hats a little bit in respect to be like, “I see you, girl!” I see you selling out stadiums. I see you supporting your man. I see you loving on your friends. I see you doing big business things in places where women have never stepped foot in.

You don’t have to like it. You don’t have to like her. But I think you should damn sure respect it. Because trust me, sitting in a corner where nowhere cheers you on, and piles on your past failures, and “you’ll never measure ups” on you isn’t a fun place to be. Even those at the top feel such pressures – let’s not be the ones to keep perpetuating the misogyny. Our friends and our daughters and our sisters and co workers deserve better.

“And this is why we can’t have nice things…”