Don’t you wish your marriage came with hazard lights? Come on; we get indicators that our laundry is done in the dryer, that our gas is running low in our car, or that we need to get off the couch (thank you Apple Watch), but we don’t have hazard lights for our marriage. How do you know when it is time for a tune-up?
1. Conversation is coasting: When your conversations consist solely on what is for dinner or what your kids’ schedules are for the week, you might need an overhaul.
2. Date nights have taken a detour: When the last time you went out just the two of you was when you were dating and didn’t need a babysitter, your check-engine light might be on.
3. Kids are navigating: When life revolves around the kids’ schedules so much that you have forgotten that you used to have interests you did as a couple, it is time to stop for gas.
4. Fear to engage the breaks: When you fear bringing up something that hurt your feelings because you expect a blow up to occur, it is time to change the break pads.
5. Caution- Road Closed: When sex has been off the table for a long while, pull over; your engine is overheating.
6. Check your mirrors: When you spend more time thinking of what your partner does wrong than focusing on your own behavior, there is something in your blind spot.
7. View the scenery: When you stop focusing on the positive things in your marriage and tend to focus on the problems, it may be time to open the sunroof.
If we are honest, we all have to admit that marriage is hard. Each person comes into the relationship with high hopes and a lot of baggage. Periodically, getting a tune-up on your marriage can really help you both experience more joy and freedom as you continue to build the life together that you both wished for when you were young and idealistic.
It isn’t easy and it will take a whole lot of communication and conflict resolution, and even more forgiveness and grace, but it is possible to create a marriage that is safe and rewarding.
If you recognize any of these hazard lights and your marriage needs a trip to the shop, don’t hesitate. Couples counseling or a marriage small group in your local church could be helpful in working through some of the roadblocks you are experiencing.
