Parenting is tough, particularly when it comes to communication. Today’s parenting of generation alphas and betas requires out-of-the-box approaches for how to embrace the humanity of our children and treat them with respect and care. Yet, I have a confession- I cuss. In fact, I’m a big fan of four-letter words to express good, bad, and in-between feelings.
The consequences of pregnancy is talking any ‘ole kinda way to or in front of kids is now frowned upon. I’m not a foul-mouthed person with four-letter expletives leaping from my lips left and right. In fact, I take pride in a broad vocabulary to be understood. Yet, there’s nothing better than a good ‘ole four-letter word to fill up the space for a feeling, event, or circumstance.
These vocal releases happen in moments of frustration or forgetfulness. I live in a three-story home so invariably I’ve forgotten something {usually my phone} by the time I get to the first floor to leave. Damn. Shit. Inevitably one or both words are the first to be expressed. Telling my kids to pick up something for the seemingly hundredth time. That’s almost definitely going to earn them a, ‘Pick up the damn toy!’ statement. When my kids hear one of these words, they know something is wrong.
Interestingly, my husband didn’t grow up in a household where cursing was a common form of expression. He even asked if I would refrain from cursing once our kids were born. It was an amusing idea. I agreed to never curse at our kids – a thought and experience I never had. Curse words would never be used as an adjective to describe our kids. But to never use them, in general? That would take generational unlearning. I struggle to think who in my family, on both sides, didn’t have a cussing streak. The story I was told by my mother was that my father once told her she cussed like a sailor. Her response, “You don’t even know a damn sailor!”
The consequences of pregnancy is learning how to work together as a family to raise kids in a way that feels good for both parents. While curse words for me never felt abusive or as a put down, they meant something different for my husband. Consequently, I’ve learned to be more intentional when I talk around my children. I’ve discovered that I can be more democratic in my word choices to express various emotions. While ‘shit’ and ‘damn’ are still at the top of my list when something falls, if I forget something, or I’ve said something more than ten times, my broader cursing tendencies are a lot less.
Humorously, my kids’ adoption of these words is as different as they are. My son has said ‘damn’ once – only to repeat what someone else said. My daughter on the other hand – we’ll just say, she gets it from her mamma.
The consequences of pregnancy is the discovery that there’s all kinds of words and ways to express myself. I’m navigating how best to unlearn patterns and ways that don’t serve me in raising the best humans possible. Yet, make no mistake about it, the most common four-letter word in our home is ‘love.’ When I can’t find the right thing to say or I feel at a loss of something to say, I simply tell them that I love them.
