How to Drop the Burdens of Motherhood and Become Light

woman walks through open door carrying a bagRejection

It has happened to us all. But when it happens to our kids, it’s like every rejection of your entire life has gut punched you all at once. All you can offer is a pitiful, “I’m so sorry,” and words that you know offer little comfort and as a mom you feel helpless and hopeless.


Lord, help! Fear positions itself at every open door. Fear makes us cower and wait for everything that might implode. There’s always a chance things may go well, but fear makes us hold on to the “what if” chance that the worst will occur and that is so much heavier and weightier. As a mom you can go from happy to fearful in seconds, your imagination takes over and you are done.


A mother’s kryptonite. Guilt washes over everything we do. We are never enough and we know it, we feel it, we fear it. Guilt, like greasy gravy, pours itself over motherhood and we can never live up to our own expectations.

The best thing to do is move toward control, right? But control is just pretend. It’s like when the kids were little and we would play hind and seek and they would hide halfway behind the curtains where you could see their tiny shoes peeking out. You would call out, “Where are you?” and their tiny giggles broke loose and they would whisper in delight, “Mommy, I’m right here!”

Control is just pretend. It’s a game of hind and seek, but reality always finds you because you really aren’t hiding that well. And when it finds you, you break because we can’t control anything.

We break and break others in the process too; then we end up with shattered shards of glass everywhere. We try to pick up the pieces and we bleed. Control is a game gone wrong.

I have been a mother for almost 17 years and I wish I didn’t live in this cycle.

Rejection – Fear – Guilt – Control – Broken – Rejection – Fear – Guilt- Control – Broken

Drop the Burdens

What if I could stop all these cycles and drop the burdens that are heavy, and carry light?

What do I want out of motherhood? Happy, healthy kids? What a joke!

Kids and teens today are more anxious, and more depressed than ever before! Where is the disconnect? Is it on me if they are happy and healthy? It feels that way, but is that true? What makes a person happy or healthy, really?

I can’t make my kids happy or healthy. That’s not totally up to me. I can’t foresee the future or fear the world? I can’t feel guilty for what may be and I certainly can not prevent any rejection.

So where do we as mothers go from here?

Most of the burdens I carry with motherhood and honestly, every other hood, are all placed in the future.

What will tomorrow bring? What if they get rejected? What if they get hurt? What if I mess up? What if they don’t make the team? What if they are lonely? What if I can’t…

None of the what-ifs have actually happened yet. None of the what if’s are true or in real time and yet we are already burdened with guilt, rejection, and fear and practicing control for a mere imagination or mirage with zero truth.

No wonder we are stressed and anxious and guilty and afraid. All. the. time.

Instead of practicing for the horrible “what if” scenarios, would it be possible to stick to the here and now? What if I put down these burdens and walk into today with a lighter load?

The etymology of Light comes from an old Saxon word meaning, “becoming bright.”


Think about it, as a mother, wife, woman…I am becoming. And I am not just becoming anything insignificant, I am becoming light!

Becoming light: A beacon to my children.

Becoming light: to illuminate others around me.

Becoming light: to ignite.

Mothers, Let’s “Become Light”

Today, if rejection comes to those you love, offer a beacon of home. Become warmth to them. Speak truth and love that will spark the flame in their hearts.

When fear floods your imagination, become a glimmer of light and illuminate the darkness. Radiate truth and live in the moment of now, not the imagination of maybe.

When guilt berates you, remember lovely mama: You are becoming light. You have not arrived, for you are becoming.

Choose to drop the burdens of the things that are heavy and be overwhelmed by light, because that is You, becoming.

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Andrea Portilla
Andrea is a true Houston native! Other than her college years at Baylor and a few summers with family in Guatemala, she has lived around the Houston area forever and cannot imagine living anywhere else. Especially because of family nearby as built in babysitters, so many friendships built throughout the years, and the great people of this city, Houston is so dear to her heart. In junior high her family moved to the Sugar Land area, but she attended a high school in town and spent as much time as possible at the Galleria in the 90s! After graduating from Baylor University with a degree in Secondary Education, she married her high school sweetheart, Orlando, and they moved to the Richmond area where they have been ever since and where she homeschools their son and 2 daughters, ages 15, 12 & 9. Andrea is very active in Women’s ministry at her church and in her community. She began writing for more therapeutic reasons when the kids were small and soon began writing publicly, remembering her love for writing and realizing the gift and calling that it was in her life. She published her first book, Breathless: Prayers from a Mother Learning to Exhale in 2018, a devotional last year and is currently working on a few new projects. In her down time, Andrea loves alone time, especially because she’s an enneagram 4! She also loves coffee, hanging out with her family and friends, traveling, New York City, musicals, especially Hamilton, fair trade jewelry, and charcuterie boards! You can find her writing at or follow her on Instagram @dreaportilla and on Facebook.


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