The thirty-six weeks I spent pregnant was filled with one unexpected experience after another. From the demise of my daily Starbucks habit to the near fainting spells in my second trimester, and carpal tunnel and heartburn in the fourth trimester, pregnancy was not what I imagined. Despite my discomforts, things seemed to be going well with my twosome.
Due to my ‘advanced’ age and twin pregnancy, I was assigned a maternal fetal medicine {MFM} doctor. It was during my appointment at thirty-three weeks that I was told of a potentially serious issue with our son, Intrauterine Growth Restriction {IUGR}. Two-weeks later, my thirty-six week delivery date was confirmed, and the delivery date classified my twins as ‘late term’ premature.
The consequences of pregnancy is that there are times as a mother when you don’t know and aren’t prepared for what you don’t know. I was thrown into the deep end of this reality after the delivery of my twins. They were taken to the neonatal intensive care unit {NICU} where I was confronted with tubes in the nostrils of my daughter and an incubator and tubes for my son due to his smaller size. This was my “Welcome to Motherhood” moment. While I experienced a multitude of emotions and experiences that were far from what I expected motherhood to be, the lessons during this period were invaluable.
Advocacy
The first reality of the consequences of pregnancy was the advocacy my duo needed from
me. Although I was unsettled, unsure, and overwhelmed in the first hours and days after giving birth, I settled in and became their fiercest advocate. This was a difficult at times as I balanced the guidance and direction of the medical professionals with following my instincts and pushing back when needed. These early days of advocacy prepared me for future times when I would also need to speak up.
Trust the Process
The consequences of pregnancy is that my faith deepened. I didn’t envision spending my early days of motherhood in the NICU. I imagined a more joyful experience. Instead, I was anxious and sad. I had to trust to strangers at a time when I was instinctively suspicious. It wasn’t easy to trust the doctors and nurses, but I had to, to get my babies home. I focused on what I could control and this reassured me as I trusted the process.
Resiliency
Although it happened right in front of me, I couldn’t fully appreciate the resiliency of my little babies. I saw them improve and grow each day as they responded to my love and encouragement. I urged them along and I could feel and see their fortitude go into overdrive. It was a powerful reminder that they could accomplish anything. I lean on those early days to affirm them as they face new and hard things. I’ve known, literally since day one, that they can accomplish anything they set their minds to achieve.
The consequences of pregnancy for me in those early days where I was emotionally overwhelmed, overstimulated, and beside myself with sadness and fear is that things will work out. I am forever grateful that I was put in the role of mother for my son and daughter. They are the light of my life and because I know where I started with them, I know how resilient and strong we all are.
Endnote
To Moms of preemies, I send you love, care and compassion as you face this moment that you never expected to be in. You are strong and resilient and so is your little baby.
