Let’s admit it. People in our life can suck. It shows up in what they say {and don’t say) and their behavior. These people could be family, your partner, co-workers, friends, complete strangers, or dare I say it – your kids. Sometimes you speak up; other times, you stay quiet. Depending on your relationship with the offender, you might feel guilty for how you feel. However, I invite you to a new possibility. Believe in your truth. No explanations. No defending. No justifications. Let the truth stand.
When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. Dr. Maya Angelou
During this year of ‘believe’ I am throwing out the old, tattered playbook of putting others above me at the sake of my mental and emotional well-being. No longer will I be relegated to the sideline of my life, yelling at the referees, calling fouls. Instead, I’m actively in the game, and if there is a foul called, it will come from others in the game. This brave new outlook may seem scary and uncertain. If you’re willing to join me, take along with you a couple of tips as you navigate this new normal.
Give up the Guilt
If you’re anything like me, frustration is easy to display with people who aren’t permanent such as a rude nurse at the doctor’s office, the forgetful waiter at the restaurant, or an unhelpful associate at a store. Depending on the day, they might catch heat; on other days you reason, it’s not worth it. On the other hand, you’re likely more measured and thoughtful when the frustration is at the hands of those close to you. “She has a lot on her plate” you say about the impolite co-worker. “They have a big presentation coming up” you justify for your partner. “They are too young to know better” you explain about your child. All may be true. Yet realize this, YOU are entitled to your feelings. Surrender the guilt of not feeling like a good mother, friend, or partner when the people in your life suck.
Stick to the Facts
Similar to children, our adult emotions can be big too. We may confuse those emotions for facts. I tend to ‘live in my head’- rethinking and overthinking a situation. However, I’m working on sticking to the facts – what exactly was said or done. Instead of creating a story around my emotions, sticking to the facts, is helping to ground me. It’s helping to strip away my anxiety and insecurities. When people in my life suck, it’s based on their specific actions and words.
Find Your Tribe
Not sure if what you’re thinking or feeling is real? Unsure if the new person in your life can be trusted? Feeling cautious about whether your instincts are sending you in the right direction? Doubt is natural. Lean on your trusted group of friends or family to help ground you and affirm your instincts.
This year I confronted the reality that I often overextend grace and care to others, leaving very little for myself. In addition, I don’t hold others accountable for poor behavior. It’s time for a new normal. It’s time to put my mask on first. It’s time to believe in my truth.
