For a long time, I believed that prioritizing myself meant disappointing someone else. If I chose to rest, I felt lazy. If I said no, I felt selfish. And if I participated in a child’s activity, or chose not to, I felt guilty either way.
But why was that? Why should I feel guilty for setting boundaries or creating space to focus on myself?
Where the Guilt Began
Many of us were raised to believe that being a good person, or a good mother, for that matter, means being selfless at all costs. In a previous post, Please Don’t Call Me Supermom, I reflect on all the ways mothers, mother.
As moms, we pride ourselves on showing up for every school event and sports activity. We manage endless checklists to make sure our children have what they need and are where they need to be.
We keep track of doctor’s appointments, after-school activities, homework assignments, school projects, clothing sizes, shoe sizes, and playdates. We become the tooth fairy when teeth are lost. And the list goes on.
Somewhere in all of that, our own needs quietly fall to the bottom, but that doesn’t have to be the narrative that continues to play.
Pushing Past the Guilt
One of the biggest ways I pushed past the guilt, and one of the moments that brings me the most joy when I reflect on this journey, was taking a solo trip to Banff, Canada in May 2023.
For a long time, I’d wanted to travel alone, but I was nervous. I was afraid. I watched other women fearlessly take solo trips, and I knew I wanted to conquer my fear.
So I committed to making it a true solo experience—lodging solo, dining solo, exploring solo, and ultimately experiencing travel in a way I never had before.
What made this trip even more significant was my decision to spend Mother’s Day away from my family. I spent four nights and five days in Banff. All. By. Myself. And I loved it.
No family. No husband. No kids. No Mother’s Day brunch. Just me and my itinerary…on my time.
Embracing My Solo Adventure
Initially, the guilt was loud. I wouldn’t be spending Mother’s Day with my mother or mother-in-law. I’d be away from my children. I would miss “Muffins with Mom” at my daughters’ school. There would be no breakfast in bed.
But somehow, I allowed myself to move past the guilt to take a trip that honored something deeply important to me.
Banff in May was a blend of spring with winter still lingering. I planned a full, but intentional itinerary, starting with mountaintop dining at Sky Bistro, located on the summit of Sulphur Mountain, accessible only by gondola or hike from the base of the mountain.
The next day I completed a 1.5-hour hike along Lake Louise up to the Lake Agnes Tea House, where I sat and enjoyed the most beautiful snow covered mountains. I was truly in awe. The next day I braved canyoning, where I found myself climbing Heart Creek Canyon then repelling my way down the cliffs and sliding down natural water slides. That evening, I ended the day at Banff Upper Hot Springs, soaking in warm mineral waters while surrounded by frigid mountain air.
I also just had quiet time in nature taking in the beautiful scenery and feeling good about the time that I was spending to reflect.
An Invitation to Other Mothers
Take the trip. If you have been contemplating a solo trip, do it. Maybe being away over Mother’s Day weekend would not be your preferred weekend, but choose a weekend. If a weekend is too drastic of a jump start with one night, but be intentional about choosing you in the midst of choosing others.
When I finally made the choice and put action behind my desire to take a solo trip I realized something important: choosing myself didn’t take anything away from my family, it gave me back to them more grounded, more fulfilled, and more whole. And as mothers we all deserve to experience that.
