Many women lament that making close friends as an adult is difficult. While that may be true, the difficulty often lies in resistance to vulnerability rather than in circumstances. In order to have a meaningful relationship with anyone, we must be willing to be vulnerable, proactive, and open to possibility.
Make the First Move
I met one of my closest friends in 2019 at a neighborhood park when she approached me and commented on my sweatshirt. We chatted, and it turned out we had a ton in common: we had kids the same age, were both fans of the same political podcast, and were both in the midst of a faith deconstruction. We exchanged numbers and followed each other on social media. In the following months, she continued to reach out and as we met up in person and shared more of our lives, we became close. Now, we talk every day, and even work together. All because she made the first move that sunny October afternoon almost six years ago.
It can be awkward and intimidating to make the first move when initiating a friendship. We are all scared of rejection or appearing desperate. Some of us are introverts and find small talk painful. And just like dating, no, it doesn’t always work out. But that’s ok. Because the more connections you make, the easier it gets, and the greater the chance you will find “the one” (and likely more than one).
Don’t Discount the Internet
Just as finding your romantic match on the internet has been de-stigmatized in recent years, so should finding a platonic friendship match. Another of my close friends initiated our first conversation on Instagram after an article I wrote on my faith deconstruction resonated with her. We continued our conversation online for months until meeting in person at what would become a thriving bookclub resulting in even more great friendships.
Social media gets a bad rap, but using it for what its original intention- connection- can result in both casual and close friendships. So, if you come across a profound or hilarious comment on a post, or have been quietly following someone for years, make a move and DM them. It might go nowhere, but you never know; it could result in a close friendship.
Join (or Start) a Community
Part of the reason kids have such an easier time that adults making friends is they are, by default, constantly in community with other kids. School, sports, dance, scouts, church- all of these facilitate shared interests, values and quality time. As adults, we have to be more intentional about cultivating community, but it can be done! Some suggestions:
- Volunteer at your kids’ schools- want to meet friends in the same stage of life as you? School is probably the most obvious place. Finished with that shift with the PTA? Ask that mom next to you at the copy machine to grab lunch.
- Join a moms group. Many churches have groups like MOPS for moms to come together and share. Even if you aren’t religious, these groups are an amazing way to make friends. You don’t have to have everything in common with a group to benefit from the connections it offers.
- Get to know the parents at practice- while your kid as at practice, instead of sitting in your car or scrolling your phone on the bleachers, make conversation with the moms around you. Then ask if anyone wants to grab ice cream on the way home.
- Start or join a bookclub. Even if you aren’t a serious reader, anyone can read (or listen to) one book a month. And really, most of the conversation at bookclub has little to nothing to do with the book. It’s always about making connections.
- Get out with your kids. I know this is hard for some people- especially ones with babies and toddlers. But you aren’t likely going to meet your friendship soulmate sitting at home in your pajamas. So get out and explore- Houston has SO many things to do with kids of all ages, and is full of moms also looking for friendship.
Make it Weird
We so often hold back our admiration and adoration of our friends because we don’t want to make it weird. Well, I’m here to tell you: make it weird. Say I love you. Text them just because to tell them how amazing, smart, creative, beautiful, etc, they are. Buy them that hilarious sticker you saw on vacation at a gas station that made you think of them. Invite them to coffee on a random Tuesday. Be vulnerable with them.
Vulnerability, proximity, and let’s be honest, comedy, are key ingredients to deeper and lasting friendship. So what you may think of as weird and cringe may be just what your friendship needs to get to the next level.
Close friends are one of life’s greatest gifts, and are worth the time, effort and vulnerability needed to cultivate them. This National Girlfriends Day, tell your close friends what they mean to you, or initiate a conversation with someone new. You will be glad you did.
