Let’s face the facts, 1 in 2 women will get cancer in their lifetime according to statistics from Medical News Today. As moms, when we get a devastating diagnosis, our brains automatically think about our children. When I was diagnosed with Stage 3A aggressive cancer in 2022, it hit me like a ton of bricks because I was a Houston transplant with most of my family and friends living elsewhere. But I figured out how to make the best of a really hard situation. Here are my tips on fighting cancer while at the same time, raising kids.
Lean on who you can, when you can, for support
People want to help you during your time of need. As hard as it is to be dependent on people, it makes them feel good to know that they are helping you out. When I was fighting cancer and enduring chemotherapy, people would organize meals for my family on chemotherapy days, they would watch my kids, and drive me to appointments. It made me feel like I was valued and helped me out when I didn’t have the energy to do things. Places of worship, jobs, and hospital cancer groups are places that have resources and volunteers to help.
Initiate conversations with your children
Talk to your children about fighting cancer in a way they understand. Let them know that you are still a part of their lives and what that will look like going forward. The more talks you have with them, the more prepared and confident they will be with your diagnosis. At first, my kids were sad and confused, but then they saw that I could do the same things that I always did. I just needed extra time or to do things in a different way. My children would even volunteer to help me around the house, raising enough money to buy me a heart ring.
My children became my source of strength. Once while driving them to school, suddenly I began crying because I caught a glimpse of my eyebrow losing hair from the chemotherapy while glancing at the rearview mirror. They said, “Don’t worry, it will grow back, Mom!” Kids are resilient and they can be creative in their problem-solving attempts. They will bounce back and even be your source of sunshine and strength.
Self-care is not indulgent; it is a necessity
As moms, we usually put ourselves last, but we need to recharge and rest. Taking a long bubble bath, receiving a massage, or spending time with people who lift you up will go a long way in lifting your spirits and helping you maintain a positive outlook.
Workouts not only lift your mood, they give you energy
If you can’t go to the gym, then go for a walk or hike outside with your kids and make it fun. Houston has many beautiful parks and arboretums that have many interesting things to see and do.
Let school personnel know your situation
I didn’t initially let my children’s teachers know that I was fighting cancer, and I got a call in the PACU/recovery room right after surgery that one of my kids did not do so well on a quiz. I told the teacher I had just had surgery and explained what was happening, and she completely understood. She even offered to bring food to my family and asked if there was anything they could do for me.
Let go of perfectionism and live in the present
There will always be chores to do, things to organize, and projects to undertake personally and professionally. Sometimes eyebrows disappear, but you know what? They do grow back! Remember, life is lived one day at a time. Focus on what needs to be done that day, and make a checklist and tackle it.
Find ways to help someone else in need
Take your mind off your situation and shine light on others who need it. During my cancer journey, I felt grateful for the people who stepped in to help me. I happened to see a post on a local Facebook group about a man living in his car near my local hardware store who had cancer and no other resources. My sons and I drove there and gave him something to hold him over until the hospital personnel could assist him. Hearing his story of losing his wife and children, and now fighting advanced cancer with no resources made me realize that being a light helps lift you up, and it molds your children’s character along the way.
Find your healthcare team
Ask a lot of questions, and then learn to trust them. Usually, people enter healthcare fields because they want to help people. The technicians, nurses, and doctors who treated me went out of their way to help. They became my healthcare heroes.
Laugh a lot
And I mean A LOT! There were so many times when fighting cancer that I could have been mortified at the situations I was in. I had to go for an invasive MRI, and afterwards the bleeding would not stop. The male doctor had to apply pressure on my chest to stop the bleeding and held it there, can you say awkward? So, I had no choice but to make small talk with him as he stopped the bleeding. Modesty also goes out the window when you are ill, so you just have to laugh it off. I would watch funny videos that made me laugh, which helped me feel better with all those endorphins flowing.
Lean on a higher power
For me, that was praying and believing that I would be healed. And
you know what?! I was healed. My doctors were impressed with my ability to heal faster and get back to living life.
About Stephanie Belz
Stephanie Belz is a wife to a physician, mom of two boys, former teacher, current occupational therapist and a content writer. She lives in Spring, Texas- a suburb of Houston. She loves to read and write, work out, run/hike, garden, and travel during her spare time. She grew up in Canada and is the daughter of a Filipina mother, who was a former missionary and a Scottish/English father who is a jack of all trades. Stephanie recently battled aggressive, Stage 3A cancer and utilized an integrative approach-dense nutrition, supplements, and healthy hacks to fighting cancer. You can follow along with her cancer journey on Instagram @stephanietx832.
