Help Needed!
Parenthood is synonymous with help. The African proverb, “It takes a village to raise a child” does not overstate what and who is involved when raising children. Across all points and periods of their life, help is needed to raise a child. In our case, my husband and I grew our village with family, friends, babysitters and nannies, therapists and medical professionals, teachers and coaches, and many others who are instrumental in helping to raise our kids.
Yet, the ‘village to raise a child’ is only part of the story of needing help. The unrelenting, all-consuming consequence of pregnancy is the constant list of STUFF to do. We all know this list. Your list likely looks different than mine; and yours looks different than another mother’s. The list of to-dos, don’t dos, remember to do in six months, hangs over me 24/7. Sometimes it feels like a cape, where I’m superwoman with all that I’m able to accomplish. Other days it feels like a shroud, dragging me down as I feel tired and overwhelmed by the weight of all the responsibility child-rearing entails.
This consequence of pregnancy requires that we ask for help to keep our sanity and protectour well-being. Although I’m typically not the ‘ask for help’ type, I realize that parenthood requires a help needed sign permanently imprinted on my forehead. It’s help for lessons for a sport or activity; housecleaning and decluttering; grocery shopping and cooking; shuttling my kids from one end of Houston to the other end, and all things in between.
Now that my duo is eight years old, I enlist their help to alleviate some of the pressure. My son unloads the dishwasher, and my daughter helps with the laundry. They both can put their chicken fingers in the microwave and heat them up for thirty-seconds. They can sweep the floor and wipe the counter. My husband is also a great support. Yet on any given day, the mental and the physical load still resides with me. Therefore, the need for help is an on-going part of being a mother.
However, I’m not good at this. It’s not my default to ask for help. This consequence of pregnancy requires that I stop associating weakness and feelings of incapability or unworthiness to needing help. I’ve realized that it’s okay to not only ask for help but to need help. While it might feel silly or inconsequential to need help after seeing or knowing about someone’s struggles, remember, comparison is not your friend. Your help needs are legitimate and important.
My hope for my children is that they will be better at asking for help than I am. I’ve learned through motherhood that my nature to not ask for help does not serve me. Our village, our community, those that help us in all the ways, is the little-known secret of parenthood. When I ask for help, and receive the help I need, I show up as a much better version of myself. This is version of me I want my kids to see – and this is the version of themselves I hope they aspire to for themselves.
