Every year on the second Sunday of May, we celebrate and honor mothers and mother figures. I find this day to be a complex amalgam of emotional layers. It makes absolute sense to rejoice and applaud our efforts because being a mom is HARD WORK. We should also unequivocally show love and gratitude to those individuals who had a maternal influence in our lives, as they helped shape us into the people we are now. On the other hand, there can also be sorrow and grief – particularly if we have lost a loved one, or maybe children aren’t in our future by choice or circumstance, or maybe we feel bereft from the lack of connection we had with our own mothers or children. It can be both joyful and bittersweet. Mother’s Day can feel complicated.
“The Perfect Day”
In general, I would say I don’t have any expectations for how we celebrate Mother’s Day. Spending it with my husband and kids, like most Sundays, is enough of a gift. But there is one story I’d like to share, and he’s probably going to beat himself up about it again (sorry, hubs!). A few years ago, on Mother’s Day, we were celebrating at his mom’s house, and during dinner prayer, he thanked God for his mom because she helped provide for and care for him and our kids. But he never mentioned me. At first, it didn’t bother me because he had always shown his appreciation, but as I let the omission sink in, I struggled with it for the rest of the evening. I hadn’t realized how upset I would get over him not including me in his prayers of gratitude. He noticed that something was off and asked me if I was okay, to which I told him he didn’t show the same level of thanks to me … that I am also a mother and provide for our children. He was very apologetic and remorseful, reassuring me that he did not deliberately leave me out. But to this day, I still remember this event because of how it made me feel, which was not great and certainly not how I envisioned Mother’s Day to be.
With social media, mom influencers, and now easy visibility of the so-called “perfect day”, it can be a struggle if you feel as if your Mother’s Day did not live up to those expectations. But I would challenge that there is no universal approach to how you celebrate. There will be families who choose to serve breakfast in bed, or have the children make handmade cards, or host a big party. Others would love time to themselves to reflect or to navigate the emotional turmoil they’re sifting through. And some just want to be and feel seen.
Feelings
To the moms and maternal figures, you’re doing a fantastic job raising these little humans into kind and capable adults. That mental load you have on your shoulders and all the minute details that may be unseen to others … matters. It truly takes a village, so call out to your family or friends for help when you need it.
To the soon-to-be moms, how exciting that you are about to embark on an adventure that no one can truly prepare you for. If someone tells you that they had it all figured out before the baby’s arrival… Hogwash. Balderdash. Like “the perfect day”, you may feel as if you must meet certain expectations, but it’s completely normal to feel at ease with what you’re doing one day and completely overwhelmed the next. Just remember that becoming a mom doesn’t change your identity; it just adds a wonderfully beautiful and sometimes messy part to it.
And to those who are childfree, whether by choice or circumstance, you’re allowed to live your life on your own terms without explaining yourself to anyone else. While Mother’s Day puts a spotlight on moms, it’s really about celebrating the nurturing and care you put into all your relationships.
Happy Mother’s Day.
