Helping Parents and Children Cope with School Transitions

Major life transitions are hard on children as well as adults. When children are
journeying through significant changes, such as starting school for the first time,
changing schools, or even facing their first standardized test, the adults in the
family can be as anxious or stressed as the children. Sending a child off to a daily
pre-K or kindergarten is a major adjustment to everyone in the family, and can
trigger deep, overwhelming emotions for both adults and children. However, there are resources and tips that can help all family members cope with school transitions.

UTMB providers in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences Dr.
Barbara Calvert, who specializes in adult psychology, and Dr. Kimberly Gushanas,
a child psychologist, said that communication is key to help prepare for these
transitions. New routines, new teachers, different classmates, and unfamiliar
classrooms can be hard to process.

Drs. Gushana and Calvert share some helpful guidelines on how to manage the
emotions and stress that invariably accompany change.

Parents: Take Care of Yourself First

It’s a big jump from pre-K to kindergarten. The kids will be fine. Any change
that affects daily life is stressful, so prepare yourself first.

• Talk frequently to your child about what to expect in their new school.
• Go on school tour days, and meet the teacher days. This helps the child, as
  well as you.
• Remember that your anxieties are absorbed by your child.

“Children live through their adults, and when they’re very young, they have little
to no control over their own lives because their adults do everything,” Dr.
Gushanas said. “Take your own anxieties into consideration first. The best thing
you can do to start is to prepare yourself.”

Tips that help the kids accept school transitions

• Do several trial runs of the new morning routine. Show the child the bus
  stop, where they’ll be dropped off.
• Drive by the school frequently
• Read lots of books about the first day of school
• Children’s greatest fear is of the unknown. Communicate regularly about
  what their new school will be like.

“Adults need to know they are not alone during this time of preparing their child
for a major school transition,” Dr. Calvert said. “It can feel very isolating, and you
might believe no one else is struggling as much as you are. In reality, everyone is
worried, especially with the transition to kindergarten. This is where parents feel
like they’re completely losing control over what is happening with their child for
the entire day.”

How some kids show they’re stressed, and what to do

• Know that emotional meltdowns are normal when it comes to school transitions. If they say they don’t want to go back to school at first, that’s normal.
• Kids can be irritable, isolate themselves, or lose their appetite.
• Some kids might seem wired or very talkative.
• Reassure your child that feeling stress is not necessarily negative; it could just mean that something feels very important.
• Continue to remind your child that the first days are hard, but they are up for the challenge and will feel better soon.
• Validate and normalize your child’s feelings“Kids have different ways to release their stress,” Dr. Gushanas said. “Remember,
  it’s not always a bad thing. It’s just important to help a child name what is causing
  their stress and help them process it.”
• Coping tips for Mom and Dad
• Monitor your own anxiety level.
• Take a break. Get in the shower, or go for a walk.
• Acknowledge that these transitions are hard.
• Name what is causing your stress and take steps to manage it.
• Remember you do not have to fix everything.

“Stress can be like grief,” Dr. Calvert said. “These school transitions can make parents
feel they are losing time with their children. They used to spend their days doing
other things, and now that time is over.”

When is it time to seek help?

“If a stressful pattern persists past an adjustment period of about 30 days, it might be time to talk to someone,” Dr. Gushanas said. “Keep processing the good and the bad, and ask them what went well that day, and what didn’t. Talk it through and note the patterns of stress that show up.”

UTMB Health

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