Celebrating National Adoption Month: A Letter To My Son’s Birth Mom

It seems every month, and every day, is a national month or day of something. I rarely noticed or participated in any of these until eight years ago, when everything in my life changed in one moment, through the decision of one person. My son’s birth mom. 

November is National Adoption Month and November 20 is National Adoption Day. This is the month I celebrate, raise awareness for, love, and grieve all at the same time. I am a mother through the beauty of adoption, but that is only possible because another mother made a sacrifice. On National Adoption Day, I celebrate and remember this life changing journey with a letter to my son’s birth mom {referred as M}.

A Love Letter to M, my son’s birth mom

There are few moments in my life I remember clearly, but the clearest one involves you. It is the moment you entrusted me to raise and love your son as my own. It is the moment I understood love and sacrifice in a way I never knew possible. The moment I realized adoption is not how it is depicted on screen and in books, but much bigger and much more. It is the linking of two mothers on a lifelong journey.

The moment Jase's birth mother handed him to Whitney and her husbandThere is a quote by Jody Lander that sums up the journey and complexity of adoption, at least my journey perfectly; “A child born to another woman calls me mommy. The magnitude of that tragedy and the depth of that privilege are not lost on me.” This is the circle, I am a mom because of you M. A young, brave, and beautiful woman who chose not herself, but her son, and placed him in my arms and in my heart to love and raise. There is tragedy in that, but there is also beauty; unbelievable, earth shaking, bring me to tears, beauty. It was never that he was not wanted, but so much more was wanted for him.

newborn baby boy in hospital capI celebrate you M, my son’s birth mom, during National Adoption Month and every day. Because even though you chose adoption for Jase, you are still his mother. You are his mother in a way I never can be. You carried him and loved him enough to place him in my arms, even when, so many in your life tried to make you feel less for that. Don’t ever let those words get to you. You aren’t less for choosing love, you are so much more.

The other night I sat and watched Jase play outside, really watched him, and I was overwhelmed in a way I have not been in a long time. I stared at him as he chased a squirrel, and ran through puddles, and then immediately turned to tell me all the dinosaur facts running through his mind. And I thought, M, you did this. You brought this moment and so many others to my life.

child holding a rock smiling at camera

I think about you. Often. Like every single day. I think about you when Jase smiles and I wonder if his dimples that pop up match yours or someone in your family. Did he get his love of animals, especially dinosaurs and all things reptilian from you, his birth mom? Is his stubbornness and passion part of you? Or his fearlessness? I think about you when I get snuggles, when I wipe his tears, and when I’m overwhelmed by the realities of motherhood. I think of you and I’m thankful. Thankful that in all the world of all the people, you chose me to be his mom. I think of you and think I have this day and all the other days because of you, and I just let myself think of your face and I smile. I smile because of your strength, your love, and our connection. The black curly haired, dinosaur loving, Mama snuggling connection that will forever link me to you.

If I could see you in this moment, I would hug you and say thank you, even though those words seem inadequate and small in relation to the gift you have given me. Thank you for allowing me to be the mommy of your son. Thank you for the endless reminders of miracles in a world that seems void of them at times. Thank you for today. Thank you for tomorrow. Thank you for loving him enough and trusting me to be enough. Thank you for the good and crazy journey of motherhood. Thank you for the endless moments of joy that are mine because of you. Thank you for trusting me to be your son’s mommy.

Whitney hugging her sonI don’t take that responsibility lightly. At the core of my responsibility is my promise to you. I promise to love Jase unconditionally and with everything I have. I promise to fight for him and encourage him to be the best him he can be. I promise to raise him to be an honest Godly man. I promise that he will know you, his birth mom. He will know you through your love and through your strength. He will continue to write his cards to you on each of your birthdays, that I hope he gives to you one day. I he will look at the picture of you holding him the moment before you placed him in my arms, the only picture in his room, and I promise he will love your goodness and your strength as much as I do. I promise we will speak of you with nothing but all the respect due to you, my son’s other mother.

M, these words will never be enough, but on National Adoption Day, they are my love song to you.


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Whitney Peper
Whitney P. was raised in the Houston area, the third oldest of six children. After high school she attended and graduated from Texas A&M earning a degree in Communications and Political Science where she met her husband Tim. After college, Whitney worked as the Communications Director for a private school in Austin before returning to Houston in 2008 to work as a corporate fundraiser for non-profits before her the call into ordained ministry. Whitney resides in Katy and is an Associate Pastor at St. Peter’s UMC overseeing Care and Special Needs ministries. Whitney and Tim adopted their first child Jase {March 2013} in 2013, and he is living his best dinosaur loving life. Besides her work and family, Whitney’s greatest passions are reading, discussing and celebrating anything related to Harry Potter, traveling near and far, and training for half-marathons. Whitney has a personal blogOur Color Filled Life.


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