The Consequences of Pregnancy: Dealing with Jerks

In my life BK {before kids} I led a relatively innocuous life. I worked, traveled, and spent time with friends. I dated, got engaged, then married. I continued to live free of commentary about the choices I made.

This changed once I was pregnant. This is the epitome of the consequences of pregnancy! All of a sudden anybody, everybody, momma, daddy, grandma, friends, and strangers on the street provide uninvited commentary about eating, exercising, giving birth, raising kids, breastfeeding, sex and more.

woman eating McDonald's french friesMy pregnancy was interesting with the various cravings I had. The rosemary bread from Whole Foods. The blue bag of ice from Kroger {versus the clear bag of ice}. Tacos from Torchy’s. At about 30 weeks in, I went through a two-week daily craving for a McDonald’s Sausage Egg and Cheese McMuffin. Someone observed this, and she shared that she thought it was unhealthy.

Don’t Be a Jerk (DBAJ) tip: Don’t interfere with a woman who is pregnant and hungry for something very specific. You’re not pregnant, so it’s not your business.

Pregnancy can also come with different ‘side effects.’ Mine were in the range of discomfort and physical limitations during my second trimester. After weeks of dealing with this, I was frustrated and ‘emotional’. At the height of this experience, I wasn’t offered care and support; instead, rudeness and crassness as I expressed my unexplainable emotions.

DBAJ tip: If you can’t say anything nice to a pregnant woman, don’t say anything to a pregnant woman.

woman with finger to her lips, implying "Shh"Once my duo was born, the uninvited comments continued. Why I didn’t dress them alike, why I didn’t face them to each other in the stroller, how long was I going to breastfeed, was I having sex with my husband. While I never received the question, I know complete strangers are prone to asking mothers if the conception of a baby{ies} was ‘natural’ or if a mother gave birth ‘naturally’.

DBAJ tip: When it comes to satisfying your curiosity about how a baby was conceived or how they were delivered remember these six important words:  Not your body, not your business.

pink and blue baby bootiesNow it’s not all bad. Some of the commentary was rather humorous. In the early months after my kids were born, strangers were in disbelief that I or my body could have carried two babies. As I’m pushing a massive stroller along, I would pause for the ‘wows’ and exclamations of this possibility. I was bemused being told that my twins, a boy and a girl, could be identical {versus fraternal}.

The comments continue to filter in six years later. I’m much better now about fielding inappropriate questions or comments. However, they do sneak in. My daughter’s hair, my son’s size; how to school them, what I should be feeding them, how much screen time they should have, and other random, non-sensical comments that are no one’s business.

DBAJ tip: When seeing a parent deal with their child in a way you disagree with, reserve your judgment and walk away without comment or expression. Not your kid, not your business.

I was unprepared for this consequence of pregnancy. Going from living a very private life to having opinions of friends and family and strangers asserted on me due to their beliefs and ideas about the best way to do what I’m doing with my body and kids. I brush my shoulder off most of the time. The comments catch me off guard, irritate and annoy me. However, when it’s all said, I look at the faces of my duo and I know I’m doing a great job. So, Moms, brush your shoulders off. You got this.


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Tiffany Harris
Tiffany is a bit of a wanderlust starting from her early years. She is the daughter of an Army veteran and was born in Georgia and has lived in Okinawa, Japan, Monterey, California, Dayton, Ohio and then spent the majority of her formative years growing up in Canton, Ohio where her parents were born and raised. For the last eleven years she has called Houston home. She's had some of her most transformative events happen here - her wedding and the birth of her twins. Over the years, even with children, she's continued to enjoy the friendly skies. She owes much of her traveling in the last ten years to visiting her younger sister who has lived in Okinawa, Japan, Colorado Springs, Colorado, Monterey, California, Muscat, Oman, and Cairo, Egypt. In her daily life, she is busy with her now five-year old twins {a boy and a girl} enjoying time with her engineer husband and spending time with friends. Tiffany is a fan of low-key spots in the city where she can enjoy a great cocktail or glass of wine.


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