Over the last six weeks, I’ve had the great privilege of watching an old friend grow into her role as a first-time mom. She’s already doing SO GREAT and her healthy baby is all the proof.
From the moment she shared the exciting news with me late last fall that she was expecting, I couldn’t help but think back to when I was a first-time mom- nearly a decade ago.
Maybe it’s because our timelines overlapped so much; our girls are only two days away from being exactly nine years apart. As I’m watching her hit milestones and experience firsts in real-time, mine are playing back through social media memory pop-ups. Cue the nostalgia.
While I have no doubt that my first-time mom friend will continue to find her way as gracefully as she has up until this point, I wanted to share some wishes for her and all the mommas out there embarking on this journey for the first time.
May you continue to trust your instincts
There’s no denying it can feel like information OVERLOAD when you become a parent for the first time. From well-meaning advice from loved ones to expert opinions from health care providers, not to mention ALL THE noise on social media, it can feel OVERWHELMING knowing what to believe and follow. However, all the talk about a mother’s intuition and instinct is there for a reason—you know your baby better than ANYONE.
So when the “right thing” can feel unclear and out of your grasp, take a pause and listen to what your gut and heart are telling you to do.
While textbook to-dos and old wives’ tales have their time and place, know that none of it has to apply to your baby if it doesn’t feel right.
May you find the support you need
And know that it may come from unexpected places. Not everyone has the luxury of extended family and loved ones nearby to help as this new chapter unfolds, but seek community where you can.
It may come from an old friend you’ve recently reconnected with, an online moms group, a book club, your lactation consultant, a moms meet-up at the hospital,for everyone it looks different, but for everyone the need is there. Motherhood can feel like a lonely island at times, so having people –even if it’s just one or two individuals—you can lean on and turn to when you need a little extra help will make all the difference.
May you find the strength to block out the urge to compare
The old saying “comparison is the thief of joy” surely applies to motherhood. Social media may make it easier than ever to see what “so and so is up to” but try to resist the urge to check people’s accounts if all you’re going to do is compare their life to yours. Now more than ever you need to be focusing your energy internally, so that you can preserve your mental space for what really matters—the growth and development of your own little family.
What works for one crew may just not make sense for another and besides, you never REALLY know what’s going on behind closed doors, so support others from afar but never, ever use their successes or accomplishments as a standard you must hold your family to.
May you lean into the lessons and emotions that come with motherhood
I’m sure you can already feel it, how becoming a first-time mom has brought about instant changes in yourself. That’s likely going to keep happening as you and your sweet baby evolve together on this journey. While your milestones may not always be as obvious as your baby’s, you are growing right along with them, momma. Sometimes in ways you saw coming, sometimes in others you never even expected. Trust the process and that everything that is unfolding is revealing with it a lesson you maybe didn’t know you needed.
This won’t always be easy – in fact sometimes it may be downright painful and messy a lot of the time—but trust that it’s setting you and your family up for success in the future.
May you be allowed time to soak in this season as a first-time mom
The first few weeks after having a baby can feel absolutely magical, assuming you and the new love are healthy and able to adequately bond. Despite narratives of “bouncing back” and “having it all” try to take the time you need to ease back into other parts of your life as you allow this present chapter to consume you.
May you be able to zoom out when you’re feeling overwhelmed
As you’ll soon learn, if you haven’t already, there’s a thousand and one things we could and should be doing for our kiddos, depending on who you ask. These things obviously change and evolve as they age and enter new phases and seasons of life. We’re currently in the “early elementary/try all the activities” phase. And sometimes all of the new-ness and trying to find our way can feel downright HUMBLING as we learn of new opportunities and things we maybe “should” be doing to set our kiddos up for success. Opportunities to get lost in the little details like that lurk around every corner, so if you find yourself completely consumed by some, take a moment to zoom out and remind yourself that your child is loved beyond measure, their basic needs are met and you’re trying your absolute best. That’s ultimately all any of us can do, regardless of the phase we’re in.
As you continue to find your way on your journey as a first-time mom, know that this mom, who last had a newborn more than five years ago, is watching from the sidelines filled with awe, pride and a little twinge of bittersweet longing for those early days that felt so impossible when we were first living through them.
Keep up the great work!
