I stared in shock at the Surgeon General’s latest Advisory, “Parents Under Pressure.” According to the US Department of Health and Human Services, the Surgeon General’s Advisories are “reserved for significant public health challenges that demand the American people’s immediate attention.” These advisories contain comprehensive research and practical recommendations. I never expected to see one addressing the mental health and well-being of parents.
The two most recognizable surgeon general advisories focus on alcohol and tobacco consumption. Restaurants and bars hang signs warning against consuming alcohol while pregnant. Tobacco distributors must print warnings on their product cartons and cans. The ubiquitous nature of these signs points to the serious consequences of their content. So when I saw the newest advisory, I felt shocked and gratified to see parental stress declared an equal public health concern.
Parental stress is higher than ever and continues to grow exponentially. Caregivers around the country are caught in a cycle of stress, guilt, and shame: “41% of parents say that most days they are so stressed they cannot function and 48% say that most days their stress is completely overwhelming compared to other adults.” The mental health of caregivers critically impacts a child’s development, but, beyond that, parents are people, too. Our mental health matters outside of any role we fulfill.
Modern American society fails to recognize the positives and pitfalls of caregiving. The authors explain, “While parents and caregivers bear the primary responsibility for raising children, society as a whole must see itself as sharing in this responsibility—and shaping policy, programs, and individual behavior accordingly.” In other words, this is not just a you and me problem. We are all in this together.
Warnings from the Surgeon General
With this in mind, here were a few of my takeaways from the surgeon general’s advisory:
- We are not alone. Reading the data reminded me that parenthood is hard for everyone (no matter how much we might pretend otherwise on social media). Talking about these issues will help destigmatize our struggles and cultivate positive connections. Authentic conversations can also shift our expectations and cultural practices around parenting to a healthier, more balanced future.
- Context is critical. Parents who experience marginalization or resource scarcity are at greater risk for stress or mental health struggles. We must recognize the role factors like childhood trauma, socio-economic stress, and racism play in the journey of parenthood.
- New world, new challenges. It isn’t in your head. Parenthood has become more stressful in recent years. Factors like the rise of social media, vaping, and the youth loneliness epidemic contribute to the stress of parenting. Research is still catching up, and many caregivers are unsure how best to handle these new challenges.
- ALL caregivers need care. Don’t just focus on the “traditional” mom figures in your community. Diverse family structures are a beautiful and important facet of our culture. How can you support dads, grandparents, single parents, and foster families raising the next generation? Don’t allow those you love to suffer in silence. Make a concerted effort to check caregivers, especially those in the margins.
- Parental stress does not have a simple solution. Self-care (though important!) has its limits. No amount of hot mom walks or bubble baths can fix the stress of your child struggling with anxiety and depression or get you affordable daycare. Constantly encouraging parents to “take better care of yourself!” oversimplifies serious and pervasive issues.
- We need everyone. Policymakers, businesses, community organizations, and local support networks can take tangible steps to better support caregivers.
The Surgeon General himself said it best: “Raising children is sacred work. It should matter to all of us.”
