“MOM!!! Where is my butterfly shirt?”
“Babe! What’s the kids’ lunch today?
I bustle around from my third-floor bedroom, finding the butterfly shirt on top of the dryer and respond to my husband that we need to pack their lunch today. I walk back to my room with the butterfly shirt in my hand and ask myself, “What did I come back in here for?”
This is my life on any given morning, January through December. Sometimes it takes my breath away that I’m the linchpin for what feels like, almost any given subject in the house. I will close my eyes, take in a deep breath, and slowly let out, “MMM. . .” I’m in the depths of Motherhood, Marriage, and Midlife. It’s a time where the word ‘multi-tasking’ doesn’t even begin to capture what I’m doing minute-to-minute. It feels endless, suffocating, and oddly satisfying.
The consequences of pregnancy is that I’m the ‘oracle,’ the one where ideas, direction, and organization come from in our household. Today, I’m the mother of busy elementary kids, navigating marriage, and dealing with brain fog, low energy, and surviving it all on a banana and a Mocha from Starbucks. It feels endless and suffocating because for at least the next eight years, it is. The schedules, lunches, activities, appointments, homework, and everything in-between, is happening right here and now with no visible end in sight. However, I’m the one who happens to be more task oriented and able to keep these details circulating in my head in a straight and organized fashion. While I’ve offloaded some of these details into a weekly schedule using a Canva template, if the weekend was busy and I didn’t get around to creating the schedule or adding things to our Family Apple calendar, all eyes are on me {Mom tip: Canva is worth the subscription price. It’s been my saving grace for all things creative like schedules, school activities and projects}.
What’s less obvious is why these days feel oddly satisfying. I work very hard, mentally, emotionally, and physically, to be my best self for my family. However, the alternative to these mornings is not exactly what I would want. I know that one day I will retire my role as the ‘oracle’. My kids will be adults, and they will be keeping track of their own lives. Consequently, in the moments where I know where the favorite t-shirt is and what’s for lunch or who needs what for an activity or event, it’s a warmth that wraps around me knowing that my kids’ mom knew how to make their day.
MMM. . . the consequences of pregnancy is that this beautiful life of kids and marriage is what I asked for in my thirties and fifteen years later, this is what life looks like in my forties. On the days when I’m overstimulated, I remind myself that the moment will not last forever. It will be over before I know it. I will only have the memories of the best of these days. I will smile, laugh, close my eyes, take in a deep breath and say, “MMM. . .”
