It’s a Saturday morning and you’re making a feast for breakfast. Your little one is gleefully playing – or so you think. The shrieking, crying, stomping and full-on meltdown begins, and you have no idea what happened. Amidst the pointing and unintelligible words, you figure out that they can’t find their stuffy which they left along the wall. Matter-of-factly you mention that you put the stuffy in the toy bin with the others. Big, BIG, B-I-G mistake. They turn their ire on you, and you realize this beautiful morning is quickly and uncontrollably turning into a nightmare of tantrums. Thirty-minutes later after screams and tears and an unsuccessful attempt to bribe your little one with a new stuffy, they sit, upset and frustrated eating breakfast with a tear-streaked face.
This consequence of pregnancy is one you can’t prepare for, even for the most well informed and experienced parent. You’re never sure when it could happen, what it will happen for, or how in that moment you’ll respond or react. I’ve responded in what I think is the best way possible – getting down to their level, empathizing with their frustration, offering patience and kindness and no raised voice. I’ve reacted in not-so-great ways – raised voice, visible frustration, waning empathy, digging my own heels into the situation. The truth is, reason and rational explanation are no match for these moments of unadulterated will and childhood self-indulgence.
Tantrums are a crazy and uncontrolled part of the parenthood journey. I generally survive these unexpected incidences with a focus on preservation.
Trust
I want to preserve a relationship of trust with my children. I want them to know that even when their big emotions take over, they can trust me to respect and care for them as deeply as if they were hugging and kissing me.
Self-esteem
I want to preserve their sense of self esteem and confidence. While on the surface their tantrums seem chaotic and illogical, they are standing up for themselves and asserting their sense of being right. Their tantrums while disruptive is not an excuse to tear them down by personally attacking them or making them not believe in themselves.
Family
Finally, I want to preserve a sense of family. Tantrums generally take place in front of their sibling, their father, or possibly their friends. It is not my goal during a tantrum to embarrass or humiliate them in any way. It is not a time to make way for the other sibling to ‘pile on’ to their pain and frustration. I want to foster a team spirit that shows we can support each other even when we are not our best selves.
I’m still on the tantrum ride with this consequence of pregnancy. When they happen {sometimes daily}, I’m admittedly left frustrated, exhausted, and sometimes angry. I may have to work myself out of a spiral of emotions before I am ready to give care and attention again – and that’s okay. I know my job is to be their anchor and keep them tethered to the foundation of our family. The storms of their emotions won’t break me and consequently, I’m here to ride the waves with them and stay deeply rooted in the ground.
