Growing up my mother decorated for every holiday, even the smaller ones like Valentine’s Day or Memorial Day. At Christmas time our entire house was transformed into a winter wonderland with Santa’s staring at you from every vantage point, including in the bathroom. My mom was not a minimalist when it came to decorating. Some people hang a wreath or two and some stockings. Not my mom. Christmas decorating as a kid usually took us an entire weekend with full ten-hour days. My mom took down pictures and replaced most of our home art with something Christmas themed. We put up fake greenery in a variety of locations, not just in the living room. Every room had a tree. It might have been small, but there was always a tree with a theme. We had special dishes that came out during Christmas time. She would command me where to hang pictures and how to group objects. There was even rearranging of furniture so that prize décor had a more prominent location. While I always admired the result, I pretty much hated the entire process of creating Santa’s magical land in our house.
Turning into My Mother
There is an adage that says, “We all turn into our mothers.” I’m here to tell you, for me, it’s true. Despite my valiant attempts for many years to be a minimalist decorator, at the very least staying to one area of the house for Christmas decorating, I have now become my mother. Last year we had six Christmas trees, a remarkable nutcracker collection and the biggest red bow on a front door I have ever seen. I don’t know when I turned into my mom, but somewhere along the way it happened. Maybe it was inevitable, or maybe it was a conscious decision. I honestly can’t say.
Making My Peace Decorating for the Holidays
I have made my peace with the fact that I have become my mother. It’s not the worst thing and if I know her at all, she is smiling in Heaven watching me during holiday season. While it’s not time to bring out the Christmas décor quite yet, I did recently decide to put up a small display for fall. Trust me, my pumpkin collection is a far cry from my Christmas mania. In some ways, I enjoy that. It’s a small nod to the change of seasons and the start of all that is to come during the holidays. While my fall decorations are not overly plentiful, I still have a method. I spent my entire childhood following my mom’s orders for decorating. Now that I have my own home, well, I have my own gameplan.
Enter my six-year-old daughter Vivian Rose. I am going to let you in on a little secret about her, she is basically me. So, a few weeks ago when I told her that I was going to decorate for fall, her little eyes lit up. Before I even had a chance to share my plan, she looked at me and said, “Oh I am so excited, I know exactly what I want to make,” and disappeared into her art room. My daughter is a budding artist and loves to be creative. As I began to get the items out of our storage bins, she came out of her room triumphant. “Mom look, fall leaves and pumpkins!” She had cut out several leaves and pumpkins from construction paper and was ready to help me decorate. “Ok mom, let’s tape these up!”
I looked at my husband, and he looked at me. He knows me too well. He knew that everything inside of me was screaming, “No we are not doing that!” I had a plan and trust me it did not involve paper leaves. He started shaking his head and I looked at him knowing that we had to find a solution and fast. I looked at my daughter, her sweet, excited eyes beaming back and me and tried to figure out how to balance my deep need for perfect decorating and her innocent desire to contribute.
I looked at her and said, “Vivi, wow those are some great leaves. I tell you what, let’s add them to the dining room area with your other art. I am going to take care of this area.” To my surprise, she went along with my plan. It’s a whole other story that she has turned our dining room area into her “art gallery,” complete with labels. When she started that project, I felt a little piece of my soul die. I’m not going to pretend I am a bigger person than that. I’m not. There are moms who love showcasing their kids’ creations everywhere. I am just not that mom. Maybe that is a character flaw, or maybe I am just being honest about wanting my space to be mine. But the day she began curating her art gallery she looked at me straight in the eye and said, “It’s my house too.” She was right, sort of.
Making Space
The thing about motherhood is that it is regularly about making space for another living person. It starts with making space inside of our bodies, surrendering ourselves to the transformative process of pregnancy and birth. It continues every day after that as we make space for a whole other human (or multiple) in our life. The challenge for me is how to do that without losing myself. It has been six years of making space, and I can’t say that I feel like I am great at it yet. I am making a valiant attempt, but honestly some days I just want my house back.
So here is to all the mom’s making space for their kids during the holidays. We try to plan “magical outings” that often end up in meltdowns. We work hard to create traditions that our kids will remember when they are older. If you’re like me, we try to wrap presents with actual wrapping paper and inevitably give up and stuff the present in a gift bag. Motherhood is so many things all at once. During this holiday season, I encourage you to give yourself some grace, take a deep breath and remember that one day your house will be yours again (maybe).
