Sex…After Babies

First of all, let me preface this post by reminding everyone that I am no expert and this is just for fun. I was inspired to write this piece from my own experience and hope that you all will laugh along with me and be encouraged to make some positive changes in your own sex life – despite trying to balance it with kiddos running around and demanding all of your love and attention. After all, the only reason they’re here is because two people met and fell in love, riiight? Right!

{Oh, and I know all of this is easier said than done…I’m a working mama with a lot of busy SAHM friends, so trust and believe – I get it. But hey…if someday soon you happen to find yourself with a little time on your hands and you’re not completely exhausted, maybe you can refer back to this post and follow the instructions in that one Marvin Gaye song. Wink, wink.}

A is for…Alone Time

Not only is it important for you and your spouse to enjoy some coveted alone time together, but each one of you as individuals need some of this special time as well. MEN — This is especially important for mamas with little babies. While we love our sweet newborns with all of our hearts, the transition into motherhood can be quite overwhelming. Sometimes during this stage we just need an hour of no one touching us. That doesn’t mean we don’t love you or want to have sex with you, we just need to breathe our own air for a little while first.

B is for…Birth Control

In case your doctor hasn’t told you, you are very fertile after having a baby. So wrap it up, take that pill, or use some other form of contraception. But whatever you choose, just be sure to use it unless you’re ready for another bundle of joy in a few months.

C is for…Compliment

This goes back to the old adage that a little goes a long way, and it is so true. Whether you’re telling your significant other that they look nice or that they’re doing a good job, it will be a welcome break from the all too familiar “housekeeping” questions that keep everyone fed, dressed, and in the right place at the right time.

D is for…Date Night

Date night, date day, living room movie night, it doesn’t matter what it is – just do something fun together without the kiddos. Remember why you picked each other in the first place. Laugh about how much life has changed, miss the kids {or don’t}, drink a little too much, wear something special, let the babysitter put the kids to sleep, and don’t let the “party” stop when you get home.

E is for…Evaluate

If things don’t seem to be going well for you or your partner in the sex department, evaluate the situation. Don’t just blame the other or take the blame yourself. Take some time to reflect on what has worked in the past and what areas you’d like to see some improvement in, and then at an agreed upon time, discuss it with your partner. Communication is key in each aspect of your relationship.

F is for…FUN

Have a little fun with your partner, show some extra PDA, or even better try the suggestion below…

G is for…Game

Make it a game. One of my friends recently shared a story with me about her and her husband try to keep up with a co-worker and their spouse. They even had a tally board marking each time “it” happened. This definitely isn’t for me, but if you and your spouse are competitive – it might be right up your alley!

H is for…Happy Hour

Life is busy, there is no doubt about it. If you’re having trouble fitting sex into your schedule, try putting it on your schedule. Find a day and time that you know works for both of you and pencil it in. Yes, this sounds kind of crazy, but with a million activities going on and the constant demand for attention from the little people that you created, it is sometimes necessary and can honestly be a lot of fun and something to look forward to. Try sending him a text that day letting him know that you can’t wait for Happy Hour with a little wink.  You just might make his day. {By the way…this works both ways for all the men reading this!}

I is for…Insecurities

We all have them, and so do our spouses. Try to be accepting of your own insecurities and understanding of your partner’s. Remember that what you see in the mirror is not what your husband sees. He doesn’t see all of the flaws that you think you have, he sees your beauty. He sees his wife, the mother of his children, his best friend, and his lover, and he wants to make love to her…like really, he does.

J is for…Just Do It

Sometimes we as women put way too much thought into why we don’t want to have sex and not enough time into just doing it. This kind of sounds terrible – but hear me out. God created sex to be pleasurable for both men and women, and we are by His design, sexual beings. Yes, the need and desire is different for all of us, but sometimes instead of thinking about the reasons not to do it, I say – just do it! Similar to the saying, no one ever regretted a workout…I’m going to assume most of us don’t regret “doing it” with our spouse.

K is for…Keep It Real

Ladies – stop thinking what you read in romance novels and romantic comedies is real life. And men – stop thinking what happens in adult movies is real life. None of that is real life. We can all be inspired by the things we read and watch for entertainment, but if you’re expecting all of that to happen in real life, then you’re going to be thoroughly disappointed time and time again.

L is for…Love

I touched on this earlier, but love is what brought you together in the first place {maybe some lust too}. Love is what has gotten you this far, so don’t forget that – celebrate it! Men, bring her flowers, do the dishes, or make dinner. Women, buy his favorite beer, plan him a guy’s night out, or go do something with him that he likes. {For me this includes the gun show, gun range, or Top Golf…doesn’t matter, as long as it’s something he likes for a change!}

M is for…More Can Be More

Don’t believe me? Check out this 30 Day Challenge Andrea did with her husband. I love the idea of giving this to your spouse as a gift.

N is for…No

Always turning down your partner’s advances can send a message that you’re not attracted to them, and it can make them insecure about trying to make the move again in the future. There are going to be many times that the advances don’t go any further than talk…and that’s understandable. But try to throw in a yes every now and then so your partner doesn’t stop asking altogether.

O is for…The Big “O”

If this isn’t happening for you, fix it. ASAP. And if you don’t know for sure if it has happened for you…it hasn’t.

P is for…Patience

As mentioned above, when babies become a part of the mix, mommies can be overwhelmed by the whole process. Not that daddies don’t get overwhelmed as well, but going through pregnancy, the hormones of before and after childbirth, and then becoming the primary caretaker for another human – well, it’s a little more physically and emotionally challenging for mom. That being said, this message is mostly for the fellas. Be patient, your wife is in there. She’s adjusting to some major life changes, and if she’s a first time mom, then she has no idea what she’s doing. She’s probably trying the best she can to be not only a great mom, but also a great wife along with any other roles in life she may hold. Her sex drive isn’t going to be normal right away, but she’ll get there. In the meantime, tell her how great she’s doing and ask her if you can rub her shoulders every now and then. She’ll appreciate that more than you’ll ever know! Ladies, be patient with yourselves, you’ve been through a lot, and you can’t be everything to everyone. Let your husband know what you’re thinking and feeling so that you’ll be on the same page and can help each other through this tough stage of intimacy.

Q is for…Quickie

Yes, you read that right. Sometimes it doesn’t need to be romantic or special, it just needs to happen and happen quickly. Whether it’s because your kids only nap all at once for 15 minutes a day or that you only see each other for a few minutes before bedtime. Go for it and don’t let the time constraints of parenthood always be the excuse.

R is for…Romance

While romance doesn’t always have to be on the menu, it needs to make an appearance every once in a while. So make your spouse’s birthday, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, or your anniversary extra special. Take turns planning your anniversary so that neither of you bears the sole burden of making it a night to remember. Don’t forget, a little goes a long way. I’m a homebody at heart, so when my man turns our backyard into a movie theater under the stars using one of our laptops, candles, and some delicious sangria – it always puts a big smile on my face and definitely puts me in the mood.

S is for…Spice It Up

If you sense you’ve gotten into the same routine, don’t be afraid to spice things up. Order a new outfit for him or for yourself. Change locations or switch up times of day. Start a conversation about something the other one has always wanted to try. If you’re in it for the long haul, which I assume is the goal for most of us, then don’t let this important area of your marriage fall by the wayside due to boredom. You’re in it forever – so give it your all!

T is for…Take One For The Team

Do I like sex? Yes! Am I always in the mood when my husband is? Nope! Do I “take one for the team” all the time? No way! But sometimes, I do. And I’m assuming sometimes he does too. We all have reasons to pass, but at the end of the day if you’re goal is to share a healthy sex life with your partner, you can’t always pass…and sometimes you just have to take one for the team.

U is for…Unwind

Sex is a proven stress reliever and also counts as cardio. We all could use some stress relief and cardio, right?

V is for…Vacation

Get out of town with your spouse or have a staycation in town. Get someone you trust to watch your kiddos and go have fun together for a night, weekend, or whole week. Look forward to eating dinner without being interrupted and not having to wake up when the toddler alarm clock goes off. Enjoy brunch and being spontaneous together because for once you don’t have to be on a schedule.

W is for…Wine

Nothing helps me relax more than a nice glass of wine, and it also tends to make me a little flirty when it’s just the two of us. So drink up and get your flirt on!


…marks the spot? I’ll leave this one open for interpretation.

Y is for…Why Not?

No, why doesn’t start with the letter Y – but you get it. If after reading this whole list, you can still think of a reason to not get it on, then just ask yourself – why not?

Z is for…Zero

In the end, if you and your spouse decide to work on improving your post-baby sex life, there is zero chance that either of you will regret it. And one day when your babies are all grown up and gone, you will still have a solid relationship to stand on.

These are my ABC’s for sex after babies and what I’ve learned after being married close to ten years. What are your ABC’s for sex after babies and what have you learned works in your marriage? We’d love to know how you keep your sex life a priority when life pulls you in so many different directions each day. Comment below and tell us your tips and tricks to keeping the romance alive!

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Mandy B
Mandy is a former Army brat born and raised in the great state of Texas. She has an undergraduate degree in Business Management and a Master’s degree in Business Finance from Texas Tech University; she currently works as a Tax Accountant in Downtown Houston. In 2005 Mandy met her husband Travis while visiting her parents in Virginia. He took her breath away and followed her back to Texas as quickly as he could. Travis and Mandy shared seven adventurous years of married life before bringing their daughters into the world, Amelia {July 2013} and Evelyn {Sept 2015}. Mandy loves Jesus, country music, Instagram, the sunshine and all things water -- the beach is her happy place. She writes about her experiences as a working wife and mother at Letters to Amelia. Follow along in Mandy's daily life on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.


  1. I know this isn’t everyone’s experience but after those first few times after baby, our sex life got better than it was pre-child. Maybe it’s because we’ve just been together that much longer and know each other that much better. Maybe it’s because we’ve gotten better at the quickie (thank you, DVR). Whatever it is, I wish people knew that “baby” does not have to equal “not much of a sex life.” I love your tips and hope they helps some new (or not so new) moms out there struggling with this area.

    (visiting from Friday Favorites)

  2. These are great!! I relate to wanting to breathe your own air and not be touched, especially after a C-section. And also it is totally OK (when the babies are super young and can’t see more than a few inches in front of their faces) to have sex while they are happily cooing on a blanket or lying in the crib looking at themselves in the mirror. Our daughter’s crib was in our bedroom (small Brooklyn apartment) and for the first 5 months being truly alone wasn’t much of an option. Too many parents wait for naps/dates and then never do it! We have a 19 month-old and another on the way and I’ll probably be coming back to this list after #2!


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