It’s a good feeling when you’ve accomplished those important things on your to do list, right? Would you agree it’s an even better feeling when you can accomplish the important things and the ‘hope I can get to’ items on your to-do list? Yet life with kids means the important things and the ‘hope I can get to’ items are often overshadowed by unexpected situations. Did I know this would happen as I entered into the world of parenthood? Of course I did. . . to an extent.
The consequences of pregnancy is that I can’t be great with my kids. I don’t mean greatness in this grandiose way of being everything and all the things. I mean it from this almost daily sense of accomplishment for myself and my environment. Life before kids seemed. . . more predictable. Sure, there would be the unexpected late meeting or work that needed to be done. I’ve had a tire blow out that changed the course of the day or evening. Yet, those situations were infrequent.
Yes, I know, “can’t” sounds absolute and the objective version of that statement is to say, “I struggle with being great”. However, today and on many days, it feels more like “can’t”. “Facts are not feelings,” you say. Yeah, yeah, I got that part. But the fact is, my life is ‘lifing’ with my kids and their regular interruptions. It could be a planned workout that doesn’t happen because a kid is sick; their failure to plan now becomes my interruption, disrupting lunch plans; or the unexpected evening adventures they plan with friends during the school day {although those aren’t bad, because mom friends are the best}.
Oh, the consequences of pregnancy rests on acceptance. I weekly remind myself of the serenity prayer to lead with courage to change the things that I can change, accept the things that I can’t change, and most important, wisdom to know the difference. My internal venting feels silly at times. My kids aren’t maliciously plotting against me. Most of the interruptions are because they want me around, which is a great problem to have. Yet there are days {which is what spurred this post}, where it seems that I can’t get ahead. My goals to get on a regular workout schedule are invariably interrupted, to make a home cooked meal, declutter an area our home, or the other endless items, pile up on the front and back burners. I try to meet these moments with a ‘c’est la vie’ attitude and accept that where I am is where I’m supposed to be at that moment.
There are some crappy parts of mothering and many of them are temporary. I remind myself that, “this time too shall pass.” I am grateful that oftentimes, I can as flexible as I am, supportive and able to show up for my kids in the way that I do. While the disorganization feels chaotic and the absence of a massage and a workout feels like a disservice, I look to tomorrow to try again. I beginning to understand that I need to redefine greatness, and for now it’s organized chaos.
